1
In recent years, it has become very popular to talk about the influence of the original family. Almost everyone is thinking about the relationship between the black hole in their adulthood and their parents.
Some time ago, I contacted a Faxiao. I am not familiar with her recent situation. I feel that she is very anxious from the conversation, especially about money. She often tells me that she has a mortgage, the child is still young, and the price of fruit has risen again. She hasn’t gone to the mall to buy clothes for two years, and she can buy shoes for her child at most, which is more than 300 yuan.
At first I thought her income was very low, but then I accidentally learned that her family income has definitely reached the middle class level in big cities.
She said: “I also always reflect on myself, why I love money so much. The main reason is that I was afraid of being poor when I was a child, and now no matter how much I make, I dare not spend it randomly.”
When she was a child, she often heard her parents quarreling over money, so now after getting married, she never let her lover know how much money she has. The two are economically AA. Although sometimes indifferent is inevitable, she feels that true indifference is stronger than hypocritical warmth.
“Do you think money is the most important thing in this world?” I asked.
“Of course.” She answered quickly, and then asked suspiciously: “I remember your family was also very poor back then?”
In fact, I have also thought about this issue.
2
At that time, we all lived in Jinchang, Gansu. Our parents were employees of large industrial and mining enterprises, and the economic situation was a little better than the rural economy, but every household was poor. Each family has more than two children. My family has more children because the parents are widowed and remarried.
Inspired by Fa Xiao’s constant emphasis on the poverty of life back then, my memory has recovered a little bit. I found out that the biggest difference between my parents and her parents is that her parents cried poorly when they didn’t agree with each other. If there is any unsatisfactory things in the family, it comes down to no money. In my impression, my parents never said the word “poor” in front of us.
My mother’s skillful hands led my elder sister to decorate every part of the house with her skillful hands. Hand-embroidered door curtains, pillowcases, TV covers, chain link tea coasters, headbands, and jackets. There is also the sweater we wear, which is woven by mother’s thread from the old sweater, which spells out beautiful patterns. I saw a complicated retro sweater on the Milan Fashion Week show two years ago, and I said to my heart, isn’t it what I wore when I was a kid.
Material scarcity has not prevented us from growing into vain children day by day. I still remember the brightest day of my childhood, one year on Children’s Day, when my sister and I were walking on the road wearing little leather sandals. Children’s feet grow fast, no one is willing to buy leather sandals for them. My mother didn’t know what trick she used, but she made two pairs of one-piece leather sandals using a pair of black leather shoes that dad was about to throw together with the soles of the cloth shoes we wore. The two children met the praises of their uncles and aunts and the envy of their peers along the way. It was a feeling of abundance.
Vanity is a good thing. When vanity is satisfied, people’s self-confidence, as well as the idea of goodness and beauty, have roots in the soil.
Vanity is a beast at the same time, and its appetite is hungry. People who restrained their desires when they were young tend to have huge vanity in their hearts as adults.
3
The second sister is the most fashionable girl in our school, and I am proud of wearing her second-hand clothes. After she started developing in junior high school, my mother made her the clothes, she would deliberately close the waist, choose pink or purple fabrics, summer clothes will also have a bow at the neckline.
The second sister often borrowed classmates’ beautiful clothes home. My mother drew pictures of the clothes that night, cutting samples with newspapers. The body, neckline, and sleeves were compared and cut a little bit. The next morning, my sister returned the clothes. My mom stopped by after get off work, so she went to the market to find suitable fabrics. She often bought back the fabric heads, which were damaged or stained, which was very cheap. But after the garment is ready, I can’t see it anymore. For at most three days, my sister went to school in new clothes, and I also happily put on some of the clothes she eliminated. The cuffs have lace and the neckline has a bow.
I always feel that a mother who has never worn a skirt in her life, and a mother who likes black and white, actually lives in a little princess. With the greatest enthusiasm, she devoted herself to satisfying the adolescent aesthetic needs and vanity of my sister and me. The aesthetic education she gave us is that beauty does not need to spend too much money, but it must spend a lot of energy and ingenuity.
As an adult, if it is not for work, I rarely buy luxury goods, nor do I feel that carrying a famous bag makes me more beautiful and more confident. I don’t have a “beautiful because I have money” black hole in my heart.
My father’s specialty is to make the most delicious food with the cheapest ingredients. The one that impressed me the most was a dish called “crispy white meat”. It’s so delicious that it’s unspeakable. My father was triumphant and never told us what it was made of. When I was an adult, I learned that its raw material is lard fat, yes, it is the cheapest “baner oil” on the market.
Once, the factory welfare agency imported a batch of marine fish. Because of the long transportation journey, the fish is not fresh and sold very cheaply. Most people are afraid to buy and don’t know how to eat. My dad waved his hand, bought 500 jin, and took all the big pots and small pots at home to pickle fish. After the fish is dried, it is collected in the storage room. For the next year, my family could eat fish once a week, which was absolutely luxurious at the time.
A classmate came to my house as a guest and praised the salted fish. From then on, I decided that my family was rich. After college, she said that when we were very poor when we were young, she said, “It’s not your family, there are often fish and meat.” The fish is stinky, the meat is Baner oil,
But my dad has a pair of rejuvenating hands. Mom can make clothes and loves stinky beauty; Dad can cook and is a foodie. When I became an adult, I knew how lucky it was for a child from a poor family.
4
Wang Anyi said that her mother, Ru Zhijuan, was the one who went to the battlefield to carry a gun and also put a bunch of wild flowers in the barrel of the gun. This is the aesthetics of poverty. It is not based on wealth and luxury, but on the basis of heart and interest.
Because I am rich, I have seen a lot of good things, and I understand that it is not difficult to achieve this level of being kind to myself. What is really difficult is that no matter rich or poor, you don’t live poorly, and never push your ignorance and roughness of life to “no money”. There are too many pots backed by these two words.
Back to the topic of the native family. As an optimist, I tend to have patches for every family, so everyone actually grows up with the shadow of a native family.
Among the various problems of the native family, parents’ emotional disharmony and ignorance of life are the two biggest scars. At the same time, people who don’t understand life are more likely to be emotionally discordant.
5
Xiangjiang Legend Bao Yongqin has billions of assets, and money is not a problem at all. But besides making money and shopping, she doesn’t know what else in the world is cute and doable. After the divorce, she pinned her hopes on her new boyfriend, and she loved it vigorously and spattered. She can do business but can’t live. At the age of 49, she died in pain and loneliness.
The story of Bao Yongqin is worth reviewing again and again by all those who feel that they “have a bad life because they have no money”.
The essence of education is to teach a person how to live. No matter what work you do in the future, how much money you earn, whether you are married or not, your ultimate goal is life. No one can be responsible for you, nor can they do it for you. Even money can’t help you. .
A person should love others when he is young, and life when he is middle-aged, and love with wisdom in his old age. These do not require a lot of money, but a lot of energy, stamina and curiosity are required. You need to be addicted to life, not to be lazy, not to escape, and to carefully prepare a meal and a vegetable.
When you do this, you don’t have to worry about giving your child a native family that promotes narrowing, regardless of whether you can make a lot of money.
